


I just want to be loved

by Psychedelic_awakening



Category: Free!
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bulimia, Coming Out, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jealous Rei, M/M, Manipulation, Protective Rei, Recovery, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content, implied depression/anxiety, insecure nagisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-07-22 02:20:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7415485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychedelic_awakening/pseuds/Psychedelic_awakening
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa gets into his first relationship with a seemingly nice guy, Rei is the first one to realize something is not right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I just want to be loved

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse this trashy writing, I wrote it within one afternoon and didn't really put too much effort into it.

Nagisa was late to practice, he was never late. He was always there right on time, bouncing with excitement eager to jump into the pool and start practice with his signature grin that always seemed to light up any situation. Rei was concerned to say the least, they were already through their warm ups and no one had heard a word from their smallest member. Makoto and Haru told him that Nagisa is fine, he had probably lost track of time and would burst in any minute apologizing profusely with some lame excuse. Their reassurance did nothing to soothe his nerves, butterflies pounded at his stomach and he couldn’t shake off the tight feeling in his chest that something was wrong.

Hours ticked by, and still Nagisa was a no show. Eventually the three finished practice, but Rei seemed to be the only one worried about Nagisa’s lack of presence. 

“What if he’s in trouble?” Rei asked nervously in the changing rooms, no matter how much he tried to distract himself his mind would stay focused on Nagisa. 

“Relax, I’m sure he just forgot. He is bound to get an ear full from Gou and Miss Ama, they seemed pretty angry about him skipping. He will probably remember later tonight and send us a billion texts,” Makoto said as he slipped on his shirt, Haru nodded in agreement. Rei sighed and swung his bag over his shoulder, a frown etched onto his face. He pushed up his glasses with his index finger and thumb and headed out, mumbling a small goodbye to his friends.

The walk to the train station was oddly quiet and that unsettled Rei, he was so use to having Nagisa skipping by his side rambling about some nonsense or pleading with Rei to go get some strawberry ice cream. Usually the obnoxiously loud boy would get on his nerves and he would want nothing more for him to shut his mouth, but he had to admit he missed Nagisa and he really hoped he was okay. He kept his cell phone clenched in his fist the whole way home, waiting desperately for a text like Makoto and Haru promised would happen.

~~

“Shiro I’m sorry, I can’t hangout this afternoon, I have swimming practice!” Nagisa said cheerfully and apologized to his boyfriend, who without asking had come to pick him up from school. Shiro remained silent and frowned, his jade eyes narrowing to small slits as he glared down at Nagisa with disapproval. Nagisa’s smile faded and a lump settled in his throat, his boyfriend was always so kind and loving. Never had he seen such an intimidating expression adorn his features before and for some reason it made him nervous. “Sh-shiro, are you okay?” Nagisa asked softly, his voice laced with concern.

Nagisa had been dating Shiro for a couple weeks now, they had only known each other a few months prior to when they started their relationship, they met when they bumped into each other at the supermarket and ended up exchanging numbers. Shiro was rather handsome, he was tall, well built with bright green eyes and a head of straight, choppy black hair along with a pearly white smile that made Nagisa weak at the knees. He was kind and polite and had a really good sense of humor, they both loved animals and video games and Shiro would often help Nagisa study since he had already completed highschool the year before. Nagisa hadn’t yet told his friends, afraid that they would disapprove of the age gap and most importantly they had no idea of Nagisa’s sexuality, they just assumed he was straight and he didn’t know if he wanted to come out, frightened that they would reject him.

That aside, their relationship was going well and Nagisa could safely say he held strong feelings for Shiro.

But at that moment in time with Shiro towering over him and his eyes blazing with fury, Nagisa was scared. His whole body screamed at him to run but this was Shiro, Shiro loved him and could never hurt him. He was probably just in a bad mood. Shiro remained silent at Nagisa’s question and he grabbed Nagisa’s bicep in a vice like hold.

“Ouch, Shiro that hurts,” Nagisa whined and tears prickled in his eyes, he had never had a high pain tolerance and Shiro’s grip was hard enough to bruise his delicate skin.

“Shut up. I don’t care about your stupid swim team, I came all this way and we are going back to my house, no excuses,” Shiro growled and began to pull Nagisa down the side walk.

“But-” 

“I said shut up!” Shiro shouted and cut Nagisa off, his grip became even more painful and the rest of Nagisa’s arm started to go slightly numb. Tears welled in his eyes and his heart beat wildly in his chest, Nagisa did not like being yelled at.

“D-did I do something wrong?” Nagisa squeaked and his lower lip trembled. Shiro swore under his breath but ignored his younger boyfriend and continued to storm through the streets with Nagisa unwillingly in tow.

They both reached Shiro’s apartment and Nagisa yelped as he was shoved inside. He stumbled and collided against the wall with a loud thump. Shiro locked the door behind him and strode to the living room and threw himself onto the couch, casting an expectant glare at Nagisa. Nagisa had only been in his boyfriends home a handful of times, it was pretty spacey and was always kept clean. It was built to house two people and had a modern kitchen and large living area and two bedrooms, a little on the small side and a large bathroom. His parents bought it for him, apparently they were rather rich and he didn’t need to get a job just yet because his parents were sending him through a fair sum of money each month which was more than enough to keep him going for the time being. 

Nagisa was trembling like a leaf and he reluctantly took off his back pack and shoes, placing them neatly next to the door. His legs felt like jelly as he padded across the floor boards in just his socks and perched on the edge of the lounge, putting distance between him and Shiro. He peeked up at Shiro through his bangs, his mind a whirlwind of negative thoughts and questions to as why he was in such a bad mood. Shiro ignored him and turned on the TV and was watching some documentary on sharks. Nagisa slipped his cell phone out of his pocket and went to send Rei an apology, saying that he wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t make it to practice this afternoon so they wouldn’t worry.

“Who are you messaging?” Shiro snarled and snatched the phone from his hands, throwing it at the wall. Nagisa winced at the collision, hoping it wasn’t broken because he couldn’t afford a new one.

“I was j-just messaging Rei-”

“Who the fucks Rei? One of your ‘friends’? Who would want to be friends with an idiot like you is beyond me,” Shiro snapped. The awful words were like a dagger to Nagisa’s heart and he failed to hold back the tears now flowing down his face.

“Why would you say that?” Nagisa croaked and stood up slowly from the couch, his eyes wide and glued to Shiro.

“You’re pathetic. I don’t want you going to that stupid swim club anymore or seeing those apparent friends, I’m the only one who could ever love you, you should be grateful!” Shiro rose up and grabbed the front of Nagisa’s shirt, pulling him up to eye level so only the tips of his toes brushed against the floor.

“You can’t stop me from talking to them! I don’t care what you say, they’re my friends and they care about me!” Nagisa sobbed and tried to push himself away from Shiro. Rage flared in Shiro’s eyes and his lips pursed into a thin, angry line and he threw Nagisa onto the floor demonstrating that he completely overpowered Nagisa in the strength department.

“I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU, THEY’RE ALL LIARS!” Shiro bellowed, saliva sprayed from his mouth and dribbled down his chin giving him the resemblance to a rabid dog. His eyes were blood shot and crazed and his hands were balled into fists at his sides. Nagisa completely froze and his heart thumped in his ears.

“Sh-shiro, why?” Nagisa whispered and wiped his eyes on his arm. His words seemed to snap Shiro from his outburst and his shoulders slumped and his eyes softened, tears quickly sprung from his own eyes and he looked petrified with guilt.

“N-nagisa, I’m so sorry, please forgive me,” Shiro cried and fell to his knees, burring his face into his hands. Nagisa was still in a state of shock as he stared at his boyfriend who was now sobbing loudly. Nagisa felt a pang of guilt and he took a moment to collect himself and crawled over to Shiro, pulling him into a hug.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I forgive you, you’re just not yourself this afternoon,” Nagisa stroked Shiro’s hair and planted a small kiss at his temple, forgetting his own pain and instead comforting his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, I’m just scared you will leave me,” Shiro sniffed into Nagisa’s uniform and grabbed hand-fulls of the fabric, pulling Nagisa closer.

“Don’t be silly,” Nagisa smiled and rubbed soothing circles onto Shiro’s lower back.

“Nagisa, I love you,” Shiro whispered sleepily and kissed the younger boys neck. Nagisa choked on a noise of surprise, that’s the first time Shiro had ever said he loved Nagisa. Did he feel the same? A light, euphoric feeling flooded his brain and a grin spread onto his face, Shiro’s confession made him feel extremely happy. All Nagisa wanted was someone that loved him and would accept his flaws, and he had to accept Shiro’s flaws in return.

“I..I love you too,” their lips met in a soft innocent kiss but it was cut short when Nagisa let out a small yawn. Shiro laughed and ruffled the small blondes hair.

“You’re too cute. Stay the night?” Shiro asked with a lop sides smile. Nagisa nodded wearily and squealed when Shiro scooped him up bridal style with his strong arms.

“Put me down!” Nagisa giggled and kicked his legs. 

“Nope!” Shiro picked up Nagisa’s mobile on the way to the bedroom where he lightly chucked him onto the smooth, gray and black sheets. 

“Here, it still works. Once again I’m sorry,” Shiro handed Nagisa his phone and Nagisa sent a quick text to his mother saying he was staying the night at a friends house before him and Shiro curled up and fell quickly to sleep.

~~

Rei walked hastily to the train station the next morning, Nagisa would meet him every morning without fail and they would always catch the train together and get off early and jog the rest of the way, it had become a routine for the two boys. Nagisa hadn’t messaged Rei at all and that bad feeling still clouded Rei’s chest, he had barely been able to sleep because of it. He finally reached the station and he scanned the crowds for the familiar mop of blonde hair and beaming crimson eyes, but he was no where to be seen. Maybe he was just late. Rei pulled out his phone and sent Nagisa a text for about the one thousandth time. The train pulled into the station and Rei frantically searched the crowd one more time, making sure for certain that Nagisa wasn’t there.

Half way through the phone ride Rei’s phone buzzed and he yelped in surprise, earning him some weird glances from the other passengers.

 

Receiver: Ryugazaki Rei  
Sender: Hazuki Nagisa  
Subject: I’m sorry!!!!

Hey! Sorry I wasn’t at practice, I wasn’t feeling too good and my Mum picked me up. I wont be at school today either, but I’ll try to make it to practice this afternoon! Don’t miss me too much!! ^_^

 

Rei sighed and his tense muscles relaxed, he had never been so happy to receive a text in his life. A relieved smile tugged at at his lips, finally his mind could be at ease.

~~

Nagisa slowly woke up, his mind was thick with sleep and his whole body felt heavy. He groaned and stretched out his limbs and rubbed the gunk out of his eyes. 

“Good morning beautiful,” Shiro murmured and kissed him on the forehead. Nagisa smiled and wrapped his thin arms around Shiro’s firm and muscular chest.

“Best sleep ever,” the younger boy yawned and burrowed his face into the crook of the older boys neck. Shiro ran his hand through Nagisa’s outrageous bed hair, the curly locks were mattered and stuck up all over the place and fell messily into his eyes. Shiro couldn’t help but think at how cute Nagisa was, and how he wanted him all to himself. “Ugh, I have to get ready for school,” Nagisa groaned and pouted.

“Stay the day with me, one day wont hurt,” Shiro smiled. Nagisa hummed thoughtfully and shrugged, nestling deeper into the blankets.

“Sounds like a plan, I better send Rei or Makoto a text though,” Nagisa reached over lazily for his phone, oblivious to how Shiro’s smile faltered and his eyes showed a small flicker of jealously.

Their day went pretty smoothly, they lazed around and watched poorly made documentaries and pigged out on junk food. The most recent documentary on Antarctica came to a finish, Nagisa went to put on another one but Shiro had different ideas. He wormed his arm around Nagisa’s small waist and pulled him back onto his lap, his ass merely in inch away from his semi hard dick.

“H-hey!” Nagisa shouted and flushed with embarrassment as Shiro began to kiss and nip at the back of his neck and his hands slipped under his shirt, feeling the soft skin of his naval. 

“I’m really horny baby,” Shiro groaned and moved up to tweak a nipple. Nagisa was frozen and his face was flashing like a red stop light. Nagisa had tuned out, his mind racing, within that time Shiro had taken the opportunity to slip off the over sized shirt Nagisa had borrowed.

“I’m not ready for this, please stop,” Nagisa whimpered and tried to squirm away. This only turned Shiro on more and Nagisa gasped when Shiro bucked his hips up with a moan and he could feel his boner prod his ass cheek. 

“What’s this?” Shiro said darkly and pinched the soft flesh of Nagisa’s stomach. “You’re putting on weight, I want this flat. I don’t want you eating for the next four days.”

“W-what?” Nagisa asked with confusion, he had never seen a problem with his body. He wasn’t muscular like Shiro or his friends and was softer and thinner compared to them, his waist was small in a similar way to a girls but he always made sure he maintained a healthy weight and exercised regularly. 

“I’m not trying to offend you, you’re stomach is just disgusting, look at this fat,” Shiro tugged roughly at the flesh and Nagisa hissed in pain and grabbed Shiro’s wrist.

“I’m not fat,” Nagisa retaliated, but he was starting to doubt those words. Shiro wouldn’t lie to him, maybe he really was disgusting and should follow Shiro’s advice. He loved him after all.

“Yes, Nagisa you are,” Shiro laughed and continued to roam Nagisa’s body. Nagisa shivered as he ran his tongue down his spine and his back arched, a high pitched moan rumbling in his throat. “Let’s do it.” Shiro grabbed Nagisa’s hand and forced him to place it onto Shiro’s hard cock behind him. Nagisa quickly retracted his hand and scrambled off his lap, staring at Shiro with teary eyes.

“I don’t want to,” Nagisa stuttered.

“Fine, not like I would want to fuck a fatty like you anyway,” Shiro snarled and chugged down the rest of his beer. It was the fifth can he had had today and Nagisa had the feeling he was a little drunk, maybe he was an aggressive drunk and was drinking yesterday as well. Nagisa looked down at the small bulge of his stomach, Shiro was right, it was disgusting.

“I’ll lose it.. I promise,” Nagisa gulped back his tears and put back on the borrowed shirt, ashamed of his body.

“Good. It’s time you go to that fucking swim club, call me when you get home,” Shiro said and Nagisa felt grateful that he let him go. He gathered his stuff and rushed out the door, hoping he wouldn’t be late.

~~

Practice had started ten minutes ago and the three had already swam four laps of the pool freestyle as part of their warm up. Nagisa wasn’t here for the second time in a row and this time Rei wasn’t the only one on edge.

“I thought Nagisa said he was coming this afternoon?” Gou wondered out loud.

“Speak of the devil,” Miss Ama smiled just as Nagisa bolted through the doors panting. His hair was a mess and his eyes were wide with fear and guilt.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Nagisa yelled and bowed so far that his nose was almost touching his toes.

“Nagisa! You had us worried!” Rei and Makoto yelled and smiled, happy that the blonde was alright. Haru nodded, only his nose and eyes above the water.

“Awww you guys really did miss me! I just picked up one of those twenty-four hour bugs, but I’m feeling much better!” Nagisa beamed and hurried into the changing room, eager to jump into the pool. He came racing out and cannon-balled into the pool, splashing Rei in the face who yelled in annoyance. 

“What’s that on your arm?” Haru asked calmly and pointed to the bruise just below Nagisa’s shoulder.

“Oh, I was about to fall down the stairs and Shiro grabbed my arm to stop me! Lucky or I would’ve fallen head first!” Nagisa chuckled and nervously rubbed the back of his neck, he was a terrible liar.

“Who’s Shiro?” Rei asked with curiosity. Nagisa mentally insulted himself for being so stupid and picked his brain for an excuse, maybe Shiro would feel better if he told his friends they were dating?

“He’s my... Uh.. Boyfriend,” Nagisa said the last part so quiet the others were certain they heard him wrong. As the silence grew more and more awkward, Nagisa’s blush deepened and he began to shake. 

“Boyfriend?” Rei finally questioned, breaking the silence. Nagisa nodded and bowed his head, waiting for the worst.

“Why didn’t you tell us! I’m happy for you man! Why do you look so scared for?” Makoto grinned and hugged him tightly, patting his back.

“I thought you guys wouldn’t, you know, accept me being gay and stuff,” Nagisa said quietly and picked at his nails.

“Of course not! Right guys?” Rei and Haru nodded, both smiling. Gou having heard the conversation started fangirling and ran over to the side of the pool.

“That’s so cute! How long have you been dating? Can we meet him?” She squealed.

“Uh, two and a half weeks. I would love for you to meet him,” Nagisa smiled. How could he ever doubt his friends would support him?

“Good for you Nagisa, now enough talking and more swimming!” Miss Ama commanded and Makoto patted Nagisa on the back one more time before swimming back to his lane. 

Rei was happy for Nagisa of course, but he was confused to the feeling that nagged his brain. It was a similar feeling to when he first saw Haru swim, jealously. He shook his head in attempt to dispel his thoughts, he should just be grateful that Nagisa was safe and happy.

~~

Nagisa walked home with a spring in his step and his usual smile on his face. It was as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he felt so relieved that he had told everyone about Shiro. He couldn’t wait to inform Shiro of the news, he had mentioned a while back before they started dating that he would like to meet his swim team.

Nagisa remembered that Shiro had told him to call so he got out his phone and went to contacts, finding his name. It rang about three times before he picked up.

‘Hey baby, I’m glad you called, how are you?’

‘I’m wonderful! Guess what! I came out and my friends all want to meet you!’

‘That’s great! I can drop by your practice tomorrow if you’d like?’

‘I’m sure Miss Ama wont mind!’

‘Okay cool, see you tomorrow then. I love you, sleep well’

‘You too, night Shiro!’

Nagisa hung up and sighed, glad that Shiro seemed to be back to his normal self. His mother greeted him with a warm smile and they ate dinner together and he showered and went to bed, exhausted from today’s events.

~~

Reciever: Hazuki Nagisa  
Sender: Yuuki Shiro  
Subject: <3

Hey babe, school is almost finished I take it. I’ll be at practice like I promised Xx

 

Nagisa talked constantly about some video game sequel on the way to practice, Rei huffed and pushed his glasses up, pretending to be annoyed but for once he found himself drinking in ever word the blonde said. Every time Nagisa smiled his toothy grin or brushed against his side something tickled at the pits of his stomach and he tried to stop himself from staring whenever Nagisa looked away, his eyes raked over his skinny frame and dirty thoughts invaded his mind. It was just so wrong, Nagisa was his friend and he had a boyfriend at that. 

“Shiro!” Nagisa yelled and snapped Rei out of his thoughts. Rei looked Shiro up and down, he was only slightly taller than himself and had sleek black hair and green eyes. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was very attractive. 

“Hey cutie,” Shiro curled his arms around Nagisa and kissed his hair which just fueled Rei’s jealousy even more.

“Shiro, this is Rei. Rei this is Shiro!” Nagisa introduced the two with a wide smile on his face. Rei held out his hand, Shiro rose and eyebrow and sneered with what appeared to be disgust. Nagisa didn’t notice this and Rei started to feel uneasy, he was not getting good vibes from this guy what so ever.

“Hey guys!” Makoto rounded the corner with Haru next to him, who was staring off in a different direction silent and uninterested. 

“Makoto! Haru! This is Shiro,” Shiro smiled and shook Haru and Makoto’s hand, Rei spluttered on nothing but air as he goggled at Shiro in disbelief.

“What is your problem?” Rei said with frustration before he could stop himself. Shiro swung around and cocked his head to the side with a smug smile.

“Excuse me?” Shiro strode forwards and stared down Rei, his eyes screaming with desire to start a fight with the butterfly swimmer, but Rei was more mature and just pushed up his glasses and walked inside the changing room with his head held high.

“...what was that about?” Makoto muttered to Haru who shrugged. 

“Are you okay Shiro?” Nagisa asked and slipped his hand into his. Shiro laughed and nodded.

“Of course, do you two mind if I talk to Nagisa for a second in private?” Shiro flashed a friendly smile in which Makoto returned and the two walked into the changing rooms after Rei.

~~

“That guy! What the heck?! What is Nagisa doing dating an asshole like that?” Rei growled as he stripped off his clothes with anger.

“What are you talking about? Shiro seemed really nice,” Makoto questioned, completely confused to Rei’s aggressiveness. 

“Bullshit!” Rei’s fist flew into one of the lockers with a loud crash and Haru and Makoto both jumped back with shock, Rei rarely swore and was never violent.

“Ow,” Rei groaned and cradled his bruised hand against his chest.

“Are you okay man?” Haru asked softly and Rei nodded and hastily exited the changing rooms. His jaw dropped, Nagisa and Shiro were kissing. And it was far innocent, it was dirty and full of tongue. They finally separated and Nagisa smiled up at Shiro, placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek and walking off, not even passing Rei a glance as he entered the changing room.

~~

“I don’t like the one with glasses, stay away from him. He kept checking you out,” Shiro growled darkly and grabbed Nagisa’s jaw, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“Wh-what, you’ve got it wrong,” Nagisa stumbled over his words, unable to comprehend Shiro’s accusations. Rei was his friend, nothing more.

“Please stay away from him, I get jealous easily. For me baby?” Shiro pouted and gently caressed Nagisa cheek with his thumb. Nagisa gulped and nodded, willing himself not to argue, he had to accept Shiro’s flaws.

They engaged in a steamy make out session, one that Shiro started, before they said their good byes. Nagisa tried really hard to ignore Rei the rest of practice, for Shiro.

~~

Sender: Hazuki Nagisa  
Receiver: Yuuki Shiro  
Subject: Dinner was awesome!!

Dinner was really good! My Mum is an excellent cook, although she wouldn’t let me put strawberry protein powder on top :’c that stuff is the best!

 

Sender: Yuuki Shiro  
Receiver: Hazuki Nagisa  
Subject: 

Fat ass, what did I tell you about not eating? Throw it up.

 

Sender: Hazuki Nagisa  
Receiver: Yuuki Shiro  
Subject: Sorry :c

I’m sorry, I didn’t eat much! I can’t do that.. It’s bad for you.

 

Sender: Yuuki Shiro  
Receiver: Hazuki Nagisa  
Subject: 

Are your parents home?

 

Sender: Hazuki Nagisa  
Receiver: Yuuki Shiro  
Subject: No

They went out to have supper with my aunty. Why?

 

Nagisa received no reply and he paced his room nervously, one hand on his stomach. Should he throw up the food like Shiro said? He didn’t want to disappoint his boyfriend.

The door bell rang and Nagisa jogged down stairs, confused to as who would be ringing the door bell at this time of night. 

Shiro stood on his door step, anger evident on his face. “Did you do it?” 

“Uh- y-yeah,” Nagisa lied and looked down at his feet. Shiro raised his fist and it landed on the side of Nagisa’s face. Nagisa screamed and fell back onto the floor. His face was burning and a lonely tear fell from the corner of his eye.

“Liar! You’re pathetic! You’re going to throw it up now!” Shiro shouted and grabbed the back of Nagisa’s shirt, dragging him to the down stairs bathroom. Shiro had been over to his house enough times that he knew where everything was. Nagisa kicked and pleaded, sobs racked his throat and his face and back ached. Shiro dragged Nagisa infront of the toilet and flipped the lid up, shoving his head into the bowl. “Stick two fingers down your throat and get rid of it!”

“No! Please, I’m sorry! I’ll work it off!” Nagisa blubbered and tried to raise his head, only for it to be pushed down again. “Please Shiro!” Nagisa pleaded. Shiro kicked him in the ribs, Nagisa’s scream rang through the whole house and ripped at his throat. 

“How do you expect me to love you if you’re fat and ugly?” Shiro yelled and kicked him again. Nagisa took a deep breath, his words stung but they must have been true. He hesitantly placed two shaking fingers in his mouth and pushed them back into his throat, he gagged a few times but nothing came out. He pushed even further and he almost choked, but his mission was complete and his stomach contents splattered into the toilet. Stomach bile burned his throat and dripped down his chin as he panted, his face completely soaked in tears.

“Good boy, remember this was your fault. You’re lucky to have me you know, no one else would be kind enough to love a pig like you,” Shiro rubbed his back soothingly and Nagisa sobbed again.

“I’m sorry,” Nagisa whispered.

“Don’t apologize, thank me. Let’s get you cleaned up,” Nagisa nodded dazedly and allowed Shiro to help him to his own bathroom.

“I can take the rest,” Nagisa whispered shyly, not wanting to burden Shiro any further.

“Okay baby, I hope you’ve learnt your lesson. Oh and remember to stay away from that Rei guy,” Shiro smiled, and for the first time Nagisa noticed how fake it looked. It was his fault that Shiro wasn’t happy, if only he hadn’t eaten like Shiro advised him. Shiro only wanted the best for his boyfriend after all.

“I love you,” Nagisa whimpered and Shiro kissed him on the forehead.

“Good,” and with that he left the house. Nagisa felt slightly hurt that Shiro didn’t reply but he brushed it off, he was probably still mad. He gingerly undressed himself, wincing when he lifted his arms above his head. God damn his ribs hurt. He looked in the mirror and gasped. A large purple bruise had already started to form on his face and all of his left side looked like a small child had mixed all the paints together, making a gross mixture of black, purple and green and had smeared it all over the area. His back was the least harmed, only supporting a few red splotches and scratches from where Shiro had dragged him. Did he really deserve that?

Nagisa poked the bruising on his ribs and grimaced, swearing under his breath, a bad habit he was starting to pick up from Shiro’s more offensive vocabulary. It was very sore and tender, how in the world was he going to hide all of this? The youngest of his elder sisters had only just recently moved out, with any luck she had left behind some sort of foundation he could use. His side on the other hand, no way he could hide that at practice. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head and he rushed as fast as he could, considering his injuries, to his bedroom and began digging through his closet.

“Please not have thrown it out,” he pleaded to himself. He exclaimed in triumph as he pulled out his swim shirt that he wore last year on a vacation because he kept getting sun burnt on his back. Luckily he hadn’t grown very much and it still fit perfectly, he could just say he saw it at the sport shop and thought it was cool and wanted to show everyone.

Nagisa took a long warm shower and his thoughts were a mess, deep down he felt the slightest tinge of anger towards Shiro but the rest of him blamed himself, it was his fault for not taking better care of his body. Shiro was the only one who could love him, he had to make a better effort to keep him happy so he wouldn’t ditch him. He dried himself off, careful of his injuries and cautiously got under his covers. He waited about half an hour for his usual goodnight text from Shiro, but it never came so he concluded that Shiro was still mad. Nagisa closed his eyes, he thought it would be difficult to fall to sleep with his thoughts running a muck and his aching body but as soon as his eyelids met he was gone.

~~

School the next day went all okay, he had found some concealer in his sister’s bedroom like he hoped and no one seemed to be able to see through his facade of fake smiles and make-up. He was asked a few times why he wasn’t eating anything, he just made up some bullcrap excuse that he ate way too many pancakes for breakfast when the truth was he skipped breakfast as well. Other than his growling stomach, everything was good, but the hardest part was yet to come.His empty stomach was doing front flips and he felt light headed with anxiety on his way to practice. 

“Please go well, please go well,” Nagisa whispered under his breath like some sort of mantra. He held his breath and crossed his fingers going into the changing rooms. Haru was already in the pool and he had passed him on the way in, luckily Haru was too focused on gliding through the water than on Nagisa so he didn’t notice his odd behaviour.

“Rei! Makoto! Excited to do some swimming!” Nagisa giggled as he jumped a little too enthusiastically into the changing rooms. Rei and Makoto, both pulling up their swimmers furrowed their eyebrows and gave Nagisa a confused look. Nagisa is acting a little strange, and that’s saying a lot, they both thought.

Nagisa ignored their silence as his heart rate sped up to a million miles an hour and it felt as if it was going to burst out of his chest any minute like he was some sort of comic book character. Nagisa was scared to the wicks end that they noticed something was wrong, tears prickled his eyes and his mouth felt as dry as the desert as he waited for them to say something.

“You sure seem to be in a good mood,” Rei stated and pushed his glasses up, hiding his concern. Nagisa beamed and stripped off his shirt in record time, revealing his swim shirt.

“Ta-da!” He laughed and did a twirl in a similar fashion to a ballerina, showcasing his ‘new’ attire.

“Uh, what is that exactly?” Rei asked and raised an eyebrow.

“A swim shirt, duh!” Nagisa rolled his eyes and pulled off the rest of his uniform.

“Why on earth do you need a swim shirt? And isn’t that Haru’s thing wearing your swimmers underneath your day clothes?” Rei asked and eyed Nagisa.

Nagisa’s smile fell a little but he quickly picked himself back up and grinned.

“I just bought it and I didn’t want to waste any time in showing you! Plus this way was more cool, don’t you think!” Nagisa laughed.

“Sure, looks good. It may slow you down though,” Makoto said and stepped forward to feel the fabric. Nagisa gasped and shot back, glaring at Makoto’s hand as if it was a venomous snake threatening to strike.

“Woah easy there, are you okay?” Makoto asked in concern. Nagisa nodded his head and tried to hide his shaking hands but to no avail.

“Sorry, you just caught me off guard,” Nagisa said, seemingly breathless before darting out of the room. Rei and Makoto looked at each other simultaneously with worried expressions.

“That was rather odd,” Rei said and Makoto agreed.

When Rei and Makoto left the changing room, Gou was yelling at Nagisa because Shiro left before she could meet him. Nagisa smiled nervously and rubbed the back off his neck, apologizing and promising to introduce them another time.

“Sorry Gou! I gotta start my laps, we’ll continue this after practice!”

“IT’S KOU!” The read head shrieked and crossed her arms across her chest as Nagisa dived into the pool, he finished his lap and rose above the water, standing on the bottom of the pool and combed his wet hair out of his face with his fingers. Everyone seemed to stop what they were doing the minute their eyes landed on Nagisa’s face.

“What’s that on your face?” Gou gasped and rushed forward, inspecting the bruise closer.

‘Shit. The make up wasn’t water proof’ Nagisa slapped himself mentally and failed at coming up with an excuse.

“It’s just a bruise,” Nagisa tried to extinguish their worries with a smile but no one bought it.

“Why were you trying to cover it up, if it’s ‘just a bruise’”? Rei scowled.

“Well.. Um... I got jumped by a bully and he hit me in the face, he thought I was some other kid. I didn’t want you to worry is all!” Nagisa said. Everyone besides Rei, who was still a little skeptical, appeared to have bought it and he low key sighed in relief.

“You should have told us or Miss Ama so we can take it to the authorities! What did he look like?” Gou asked, obviously angry and worried.

“It isn’t that big of a deal! As soon as he noticed it wasn’t the guy he was looking for he backed off and practically grovelled at my feet he felt so bad, it didn’t even hurt. Look at how pale I am, I just bruise easily,” Nagisa assured and Gou visibly relaxed.

“We trust you but if it happens again make sure to tell us instead of hiding it,” Makoto said and Nagisa gave everyone a thumbs up and dove under the water, starting his second lap.

‘We trust you’ the words repeated over and over again in Nagisa’s mind, he felt so bad for lying to his friends, but they would probably take it the wrong way and think Shiro actually wanted to hurt him. Nagisa was completely sure that Shiro was only doing what was best for his boyfriend. He was helping him keep in shape and stay in line, like any loving boyfriend would do.

Practice finished on time, Nagisa tried to ignore the glances he kept getting and shielded as much of the bruise that he could with his hair.

“Woah who’s that hottie?” Gou gasped and everyone turned their heads. There Shiro was, awkwardly standing at the gate with a large bouquet of brightly coloured yellow and orange flowers and a light pink blush dusted his cheeks.

“Shiro?” Nagisa exclaimed and Shiro came forward, handing him the bouquet.

“I’m sorry Nagisa,” He muttered and gave Nagisa puppy eyes. Nagisa felt like a flustered teenage girl about to faint and happiness swelled in his chest.

“Thank you, they’re lovely!” Nagisa jumped into Shiro’s arms.

“Aww how sweet! Is this your boyfriend? Hot damn, I bet he’s packing a punch under that shirt! Phew!” Gou eyeballed Shiro and felt a small amount of envy at his good looks.

Nagisa visibly winced, he sure packed a punch all right. Nagisa felt extra conscious of the bruise displayed on his face.

“Ah, you must be Gou. Pleasure to meet you,” Shiro smiled and Gou blushed, twirling a lock of hair around her finger and smiled giddily. 

“What a gentlemen,” She sighed, not so quietly, and Shiro chuckled. Rei glowered at Shiro and his suspicions became more concrete. His eyes didn’t leave the couple as Nagisa waved his goodbye and they walked off, Nagisa fawning over the flowers and clinging to Shiro’s side like a love sick puppy.

“Doesn’t it seem odd to you? Nagisa has a massive bruise on his face which he was trying to hide and his boyfriend comes out of no where apologizing with a massive bouquet of flowers?” Rei asked.

“I agree,” Haru said quietly.

“Are you suggesting that Shiro hit Nagisa? Don’t be ridiculous, they probably had an argument, Shiro seems so polite and romantic,” Gou said with a dreamy sigh but Rei wasn’t convinced.

“If something was wrong I’m sure we would know and I’m even more sure if Nagisa was in an abusive relationship he would tell us,” Makoto put his 2 cents in.

“If a male was being abused they’re less likely to seek help as they are scared of appearing weak because as a male they would feel like they should have been able to protect themselves,” Rei said. 

“Don’t worry, we will keep an eye on him of you’re that worried but I have no doubts about Shiro,” Makoto tried to reassure Rei but Rei had a very bad feeling about this.

~~

“Thank you so much,” Nagisa repeated for the hundredth time as they entered Shiro’s well kept apartment. They kicked off their shoes and Nagisa carefully placed the gift onto the coffee table, still smiling like an idiot. 

“You should probably try to hide that better,” Shiro said with no trace of guilt and grabbed Nagisa’s chin, turning his head to the side and scowling at the bruise.

“I covered it with make up but it came off in the pool, I told them a bully hit me and they believed it,” Nagisa said and his smile was wiped clean. Shiro grumbled and pulled a bottle of alcohol out of the fridge and took a long swig.

“I thought I told you to stop talking to Rei?” Shiro frowned and took another sip.

“It’s a bit hard when we live so close to each other and are both on the same swim team,” Nagisa sighed.

“Then quit.”

“W-what I couldn’t-”

“Please baby, I’m worried you will leave me for that purple haired asshole, I see the way he looks at you and it makes me angry that you get to spend so much time with him,” Shiro whined and finished off the rest of his drink, slamming it on the kitchen bench.

“I promise there’s nothing going on between us,” Nagisa desperately tried to convince his boyfriend but it didn’t seem to be working, if anything it was making Shiro more agitated.

“I told you to quit,” Shiro said more firmly, making it clear that it wasn’t up for debate. Nagisa thought long and hard and reached his decision, without Shiro he had nothing.

“Okay.”

“Good boy, and when was the last time you ate?” Shiro asked, his tone returning to it’s normal friendliness.

“I haven’t eaten since you came over, I promise,” Nagisa said nervously, it was true but he hoped Shiro believed him. He was trying so hard, he loved food.

“I think you deserve a reward,” Shiro purred and Nagisa was taken a back. Shiro unzipped his fly and began to shrug off his jeans, letting them fall to the floor in a heap around his ankles and stepped out of them, leaving him just in a pair of silky black boxers. 

“No, I don’t want to do anything sexual,” Nagisa tried to keep his eyes of the large tent in Shiro’s underwear.

“Come on, don’t be like that you little slut. No one likes a tease,” Shiro smirked and grabbed the back of Nagisa’s neck, forcing him into a kiss.

“No, stop,” Nagisa cried and tried to struggle. Shiro growled and slapped Nagisa across the face and dug his nails painfully into Nagisa’s neck.

“I went to the effort to buy you flowers, now return the favour before I beat you senseless,” Shiro spat. Nagisa stopped struggling and let Shiro kiss him sloppily, his breath reeked of alcohol. It was the alcohol doing this, not Shiro, Nagisa decided. “On your knees,” Shiro commanded and Nagisa obeyed, practically falling to the floor. “Bite and I swear to fuck you wont see tomorrow,” Shiro growled and tugged off his boxers. Nagisa stared at Shiro’s long, thick cock that was being pushed into his face. Shivers danced up his spine and he felt nauseous, he had never done this before and he was afraid it wouldn’t be good enough for Shiro. “Open your mouth,” Shiro demanded and Nagisa did as he was told, opening his mouth as wide as possible. Shiro roughly grabbed the back of Nagisa’s hair and shoved the head of his dick into Nagisa’s mouth.

Shiro’s pre-cum tasted salty and felt slimy against his tongue which he swirled around the head, making Shiro moan and buck his hips forward. Nagisa choked when it hit the back of his throat and his eyes were moist with unshed tears. Despite this, Shiro didn’t pull out and began to fuck his mouth without mercy. Nagisa gagged and choked, struggling to breathe and tears dripped down his cheeks, one bruised and the other decorated with a bright red hand mark. Nagisa tried to drown out Shiro’s filthy moans and insults, but he couldn’t tune anything out, the cock assaulting his mouth kept him bound to reality. 

“You disgusting cum slut, I bet you like being choked by my massive dick don’t you baby?” Shiro panted and quickly shot his load into Nagisa’s mouth. His now limp dick slipped out of the younger boys mouth with a wet pop and Nagisa greedily gulped down the oxygen from the room, cum dribbled down his chin as he tried to swallow the rest even though he wanted nothing more to spit it out. “That was great,” Shiro slurred and pulled back on his boxers. Nagisa disagreed but didn’t voice his opinion. His jaw was sore and he wiped off his tears and Shiro’s semen onto his sleeve.

“I have to go home,” Nagisa whispered and was too afraid to look Shiro in the eye. 

“Whatever, bye,” Shiro shrugged and Nagisa grabbed his flowers and put on his bag and shoes as quick as possible, desperate to get out of the apartment and into the cool night air. 

He threw out the flowers in the dumpster a few blocks down.

~~

“Mum, I’m home,” Nagisa announced, his voice lacking it’s usual bright ring.

“You missed dinner! Want me to heat up some left overs?” His mother chimed, her kind eyes lighting up.

“Nah I ate at Haru’s place, I’m really tired from practice, I think I’ll go straight to bed.”

Nagisa brushed his teeth a grand total of eight times before he eventually cried himself to sleep around midnight.

~~

Receiver: Tachibana Makoto; Nanase Haruka; Ryugazaki Rei  
Sender: Hazuki Nagisa  
Subject: I’m sorry

Hey guys, I’m sorry but I have to quit the swim team because my grades are failing. Also, I think it’s best if I keep my distance from you all so I can focus. Thank you.

 

Receiver: Hazuki Nagisa  
Sender: Tachibana Makoto  
Subject: ???

Ur kidding? Com on man, we can work something out

 

Receiver: Hazuki Nagisa  
Sender: Ryugazaki Rei  
Subject: I can help

If it’s your grades that are the problem, I can help you study. Don’t quit swimming, you’re the one that started this remember?

 

Receiver: Hazuki Nagisa  
Sender: Nanase Haru  
Subject: .

The water will miss you.

 

Nagisa couldn’t help but smile an Haru’s reply, he was baffled that he even replied in the first place. It was very unlike Haru to even check his phone let alone send a text, but he didn’t reply any of them.

~~

Two weeks passed by, Rei, Haru and Makoto hadn’t heard a word from Nagisa. Nagisa would avoid them at all costs, getting on a different train compartment, leaving as soon as the bell went, and sitting somewhere that they couldn’t seem to find him at lunch time. They were all extremely worried for their friend.

Nagisa on the other hand didn’t think he could sink any lower. He guessed this is what depression felt like, everything proved to be a struggle and he felt completely flat and cried himself to sleep every night. His grades had dropped even further, his parents had yelled at him for hours but he didn’t care anymore. Things were getting better with Shiro, he still lost his temper sometimes and was fixed on Nagisa losing weight, which he had due to his unhealthy eating habits that he now couldn’t shake. Skip meals, binge, throw up, repeat. No matter how much skinnier he had gotten and even though he could now distinctly count each and every rib, it wasn’t good enough for Shiro. At least he hadn’t tried to force himself onto Nagisa again, the small boy shivered at he memory and the faint taste of semen lingered on his tongue. He had successfully managed to dodge any encounters with his old swim club members, he missed them so much it made his heart swell with agony but it made Shiro happy and that’s all that mattered. Shiro was the only one who could love him, he couldn’t lose that.

Nagisa was currently at Shiro’s house, it was one of those rare moments that Shiro seemed happy and they were laying on the sofa cracking stupid jokes and making out.

“Nagisa, can I ask you something?” Shiro asked out of the blue. Nagisa was a little nervous but nodded his head, Shiro was in a good mood after all. “Can we have sex?”

Dread clawed at Nagisa’s insides, he didn’t want to but what would happen if he said no?

“I-uh-” Nagisa was lost for words.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Shiro smirked and crawled on top of Nagisa, completely trapping him in between the lounge and a cage of limbs. Ever fiber of Nagisa’s being screamed for him to get Shiro the hell off of him. 

“No!” Nagisa yelled and pushed him off with as much strength as he could conjure up from his malnourished body.

“Get back here!” Shiro shouted and grabbed Nagisa, reefing him back with an unnecessary amount of force. Nagisa cried out as his wrist was twisted around and he tumbled onto the floor. “You fucking little shit!” Shiro seethed and Nagisa failed to hold in his sobs and screams as punches and kicks rained down onto every inch of his body. He curled into a ball and protected his head and face, his injured wrist pulsating with pain. The beating came to a halt and Nagisa whimpered, his fragile body left battered and it felt like someone had injected red hot lava into his nerves. “Get the fuck out, your pathetic face is making me sick,” Shiro snapped. Nagisa stood up with great care, wincing at every movement. This was by far the worst beating yet. He could handle one or two punches or kicks, but he must of really messed up to deserve this. 

Nagisa stumbled outside, it was dark and the streets were poorly lit by spluttering street lights. The only evidence of life was a mangy stray cat hissing from behind a garbage bin. Nagisa held his chest as he walked through the streets, every step caused a lighting bolt of pain to shoot up his leg and around his body. Deciding it was time to take a break he sunk onto a public bench next to the side walk. He realized he had taken a wrong turn and Haru’s house was just a couple blocks away, he could go there and get help- no, he would ask too many questions which he couldn’t think of an excuse for, he probably hated Nagisa now anyway.

“Nagisa?” A familiar voice asked. Nagisa groaned and wished he would leave him alone.

“Fucking great,” Nagisa sighed and slumped even further on the bench, hissing out loud when he pushed a little too hard on a particular sore spot on his back.

“Are you alright? We haven’t heard from you in ages,” Rei stepped closer and gasped when he saw the condition Nagisa was in. He had lost way too much weight and was practically swimming in a pair of sweats and a T-shit, his face was covered in bruises paired with a split lip that was still bleeding. He had other faint bruises around his neck, which looked suspiciously like hand prints. Nagisa’s wrist looked the worst, it was bright purple and swollen and other bruises littered his arms. “What the hell happened to you? Did Shiro do this?!” Rei yelled with rage and he ran over to Nagisa.

“No. Leave me alone,” Nagisa whined and covered his eyes with his hand.

“No way am I leaving you in this condition, I was just on my way to Haru’s house. Makoto is there as well, come on,” Rei slipped his arm underneath Nagisa’s arm pits and heaved him up. Nagisa couldn’t find the strength to argue and put all his weight onto Rei’s side. Rei secured Nagisa’s arm around his waist and they slowly and carefully walked the rest of the way, Nagisa almost falling asleep numerous times.

“Rei finally- oh god Nagisa!” Makoto rushed to their side and looked over Nagisa, paling at the state the small boy was in. “What happened?”

“I’m yet to find out, help me take him the the living room,” Rei said seriously and Makoto wrapped his arm further down Nagisa’s waist to help keep him standing. They both carefully laid Nagisa down, propping his head up with a folded blanket. Nagisa stared at the ceiling, his blank dead expression was something both Rei and Makoto wished they had never seen. Haru’s jaw hardened when he walked into the room holding a spatula dressed in his swimmers and an apron. His eyes softened when they landed on Nagisa’s trapped, hopeless expression and he returned silently with a tall glass of water. Nagisa whispered thanks and took a sip from the straw that Haru had thoughtfully added. 

“When was the last time you ate? You’re nothing but skin and bones!” Makoto exclaimed and lifted up Nagisa’s shirt. Rei’s jaw dropped and Makoto’s eyes widened, his whole entire torso was painted black and blue. His stomach was hollow and his ribs and hip bones threatened to burst out of his skin. Nagisa winced as he sat up and pulled his shirt down, smacking away Makoto’s hands and falling back down with a groan.

“I can’t remember, I think I had half an apple this morning. Shiro said I was fat, so I’ve been on a diet,” Nagisa wheezed.

“Fat?! What the hell? Is he the one that did this to you, and don’t you dare lie,” Rei growled. Tears sprung in Nagisa’s eyes.

“I deserved it,” he whispered quietly.

“Tell us what happened,” Makoto said softly and placed his hand on top of Nagisa’s.

“He wanted to have sex, I said no. I shouldn’t have denied him of what he wanted,” Nagisa said and tears rolled down his cheeks as he stared into the distance, the events replying in his mind.

“It’s your right as a human being Nagisa to say no to that. Listen to me, you didn’t deserve to be hurt and he was the one in the wrong. Shiro has been quite clearly manipulating you, there was nothing wrong with your body before and he has to be delusional to even think that you were overweight. You need to dump him.”

“Rei, you don’t understand. I need him, I love him! No one other than him could love someone as disgusting and pathetic as me, I don’t even deserve his love but I don’t want to be alone!” Nagisa sobbed and sat up through his injuries, burring his face inbetween his bony knees.

“What shit has he been feeding you Nagisa?” Rei snapped angrily, making Nagisa flinch.

“You have us,” Haru spoke for the first time, his voice wavered and it sounded like he was on the brink of tears. Makoto was already freely crying and he squeezed Nagisa’s hand.

“Haru’s right. You have always had us, we love you Nagisa. We don’t think you’re disgusting, you’re amazing and bright and funny and you always manage to make us smile! You’re the one that brought us together through the swim club, and I don’t plan on that ending anytime soon! You need to get Shiro out of your life, we will be here to support you and make sure he doesn’t hurt you,” Makoto said and gently hugged Nagisa. Nagisa sobbed and blubbered ‘thank you’ continuously into his chest.

Rei pushed aside his jealousy, he wanted Nagisa to be wrapped in his arms but there were more pressing matters at hand. “Give me a closer look at your wrist, it could be broken,” Rei said softly and Nagisa raised his arm. Rei inspected it gingerly, his anger increased and he wanted nothing more than to punch Shiro straight in the jaw. “It seems to be sprained, Haru have you got any elastic bandages?” Rei asked, he had read enough medical books passed down from his brother to support his theory. Haru stood up with a small nod and opened one of the overhead cabinets in the kitchen, pulling out a large first aid kit. Rei wrapped up Nagisa’s wrist, who remained clinging to Makoto with his free arm like his life depended on it.

“We will want to know the full story and we will have to take this to the police,” Rei stated as he packed away the first aid kit. Nagisa’s eyes widened with panic and he furiously shook his head.

“No, please don’t tell anyone! I’ll tell you everything and I will even break up with Shiro! Just please don’t tell anyone else, especially not the police,” Nagisa cried with alarm and started to sob again.

“Fine. No police. You have to rest for now, we will worry in the morning,” Rei sighed and kissed Nagisa very lightly on the forehead, in a friendly manner. Nagisa yawned as if to emphasize Rei’s words and pulled up the blankets that Haru had brought down, they decided it was best not to move him for the moment and Nagisa swore he was comfortable. The corner of Rei’s mouth twitched, Nagisa looked so adorable even with red, puffy eyes and bruises smothering the majority of his face. 

“Goodnight,” they all whispered to each other and Haru flicked the light off and they all left Nagisa to sleep else where because they thought he needed some space. Instead, Nagisa grabbed Rei’s sleeve and tugged him back. Rei looked down at Nagisa, who was nervously biting his lip.

“Please don’t go,” he whimpered, he looked like a small child scared of the monsters hiding under the bed with the covers drawn all the way up to his nose and his wide, frightened eyes seemed to glow in the darkness with unshed tears. Invisible fingers clenched Rei’s heart and he nodded, curling under the blankets next to Nagisa and pulling him protectively against his chest. Rei’s heart fluttered and he was dancing high above the clouds being so close to Nagisa, their bodies pressed together and the smaller boy clinging to his shirt. Nagisa’s soft snores followed shortly after and Rei smiled, they would get through this.

~~

The sunlight seeped through the gaps in the curtains, illuminating the room in a soft golden glow. The sudden invasion of light stirred Nagisa and Rei from their sleep.

“G’morning,” Rei mumbled sleepily and stretched his arms above his head. Nagisa grunted in reply and crawled even further into the blankets to try and hide himself from the light. “Come on sleepy head, it isn’t like you to want to stay in bed on a lovely morning like this!”

“This is the best sleep I’ve had in like, forever,” Nagisa said softly and peered out from beneath the blankets with a small smile that made Rei’s heart melt. 

“Do you guys want mackerel?” Haru entered the room as he was tying up the back of his apron.

“Do we have any other options?” Rei groaned and placed his glasses on his face.

“No.”

“Mackerel it is,” Rei sighed and flunked back down next to Nagisa. It wasn’t easy for Rei to hold back all his burning questions, each time he caught a glimpse of one of Nagisa’s many injuries a spark of anger flared in his chest and the heat continued to rise every time he thought of that poor excuse for a human being, Shiro. 

“Breakfast is served!” Makoto beamed and came into the living room carrying two plates of squid and mackerel, Haru on his heels with the other two and his usual blank expression. Rei and Haru bickered for the almost entirety of breakfast about Haru’s eating habits and how he just can’t live off of mackerel, Makoto unable to choose a side pitched in where he saw fit and cracked a few jokes to try and lighten the mood, but usually Nagisa was the one cracking the jokes, instead he sat there silently picking at his food. 

‘Mackerel is healthy, right? I’m absolutely starving, Shiro shouldn’t mind if I just eat a little fish?’

“Nagisa, what’s wrong?” Rei asked with concern at the scarily quiet blonde who was staring intensely at the fish as if it was a hard maths question in an exam and he had no clue at how to work it out.

“I.. I don’t think Shiro would want me to eat this,” Nagisa gulped nervously and placed the plate on the ground next to him. He felt bad for wasting the food that Haru had given him, but he didn’t want to make Shiro even more angry at him.

“I thought you agreed to break up with Shiro?” Rei sounded a little more than just frustrated.

‘How can Nagisa be so blind?’

“I don’t think I can,” Nagisa whispered shamefully and his throat burned from holding back his tears. 

“You can’t let him keep hurting you like this. It’s wrong and you know it. You just have to call him and say you can’t be with him anymore and hang up, as easy as that. Please get him out of your life and let us help you or we will have no choice but to go to the police or tell Miss Ama,” Rei tried to persuade Nagisa, desperation clear in his tone. Nagisa took a deep breath and closed his eyes, his options being weighed in his mind.

“Okay. I’ll call him,” Nagisa said quietly and picked up his phone, his whole hand violently shaking.

It rung, and rung, and rung.. Suspense was high in the air and Nagisa chewed his lip nervously, mentally pleading for Shiro to pick up before he chickened out.

‘Hey babe, listen I’m sorry about last night’ 

‘Uh, it’s fine. Shiro we can’t see each other anymore. I’m over you hurting me’

‘...’

‘Shiro?’

‘Nagisa... I’m sorry! I promise I’ll change. I love you, please don’t leave me!’

‘You have said that before. I’m sorry, it’s over’

*click*

~~

It was around lunch time and Rei was packing up his stuff, Rei’s mother was out of town for the next couple of weeks and Nagisa agreed to stay at his house for the time being with the permission of his own parents.

“Bye, we will keep in touch,” Rei and Nagisa waved Haru and Makoto off and they began the journey to Nagisa’s house to pick up his things.

“I’m really proud of you Nagisa. Breaking up with Shiro wasn’t easy, you’re stronger than you think,” Rei said with sincerity and offered a wide smile. Nagisa’s eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat.

“Thank you, I feel much better!” Nagisa smiled and wiped away his tears, both from joy and anxiety. What would he do now that he didn’t have Shiro?

Nagisa gasped as Rei entwined their fingers together and gave his hand a firm squeeze. The gesture spoke a thousand unspoken promises. Promises that he would stay by Nagisa’s side and protect him no matter what.

~~

“I have a heap of documentaries-”

“No, can we watch something else?” Nagisa pouted and gave Rei his killer puppy eyes that no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t resist.

“Fine. How about a comedy?” Rei sighed and Nagisa nodded, nestling in to the mound of pillows and blankets he had assembled in Rei’s living room. 

Rei wasn’t paying attention to the movie, he was paying attention to Nagisa the whole time. Nagisa would occasionally giggle at a funny scene or ridiculous joke, each time he smiled it made Rei smile in return. Rei really hoped Nagisa would be back to his old self soon and forget about Shiro.

~~

“Nagisa I’m back and I got you your favourite!” Rei smiled as he entered his home, he had gone to the grocery store to pick up some extra supplies since Nagisa would be staying at his house for a while.

Nagisa’s eyes widened and saliva pooled in his mouth from his position on the couch, Rei was holding out a massive tub of his favourite strawberry ice cream. Rei went to the kitchen and pulled out a bowl, piling it high with the pink, creamy goodness.

The bowl was quickly scraped clean and Nagisa let out a soft moan as he licked the spoon off. A sigh escaped his lips and he lent back, petting his now full stomach. Regret started to seep it’s way into Nagisa’s mind and he immediately felt guilty for indulging himself. Shiro’s sneering face filled his thoughts and an imagine of himself fat and disgusting with layers of flesh bulging over his waist band made him want to hurl.

“It was delicious, thank you!” Nagisa said cheerfully with a fake smile and darted to the bathroom before Rei could reply. Dread reached Rei as the sound of Nagisa gagging and retching reached his ears and he raced to the bathroom to make sure Nagisa was okay.

The scene before the butterfly swimmer was horrible, Nagisa was bent over the toilet with two fingers shoved down his throat and he was violently sobbing as he emptied the ice cream from his stomach.  
“Nagisa, stop, what are you doing?” Rei knelt beside him and brushed the hair out of his face which was soaked with sweat. The whole room stunk of stomach bile and vomit and Rei resisted the urge to cover his nose. 

“I.. Have to.. Get.. Rid of it,” Nagisa panted and put his fingers down his throat again. Rei grabbed his wrist, luckily the uninjured one, and pulled his hand away to pin it against the toilet bowl. Nagisa’s eyes were clouded over as he stared into the distance, being taken over by the demons that plagued his mind; demons that Shiro had planted there.

“This is doing more harm to your body than good. Look at yourself Nagisa, you’re extremely underweight and you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Rei’s eyes teared up and his voice sounded hoarse and low. Nagisa slumped in defeat and silent sobs made his back shake. Rei rubbed his back up and down and whispered soothing nonsense into his ear to get him to calm down.

“I’m sorry, I wasted the ice cream you gave me,” Nagisa said in a small voice.

“Don’t worry about that, there’s plenty more where that came from and it was on special. I think you should have a shower,” Rei said softly and continued to rub his back. The blonde nodded and pushed himself weakly from the bowl and flushed the toilet. Rei helped him to stand and the fragile boy propped himself against the sink. The whole bathroom was spinning and he started to feel sick again. 

“Gimme a minute,” he murmured. Rei waited patiently until Nagisa composed himself enough to stand up without support. Rei helped Nagisa peel off his shirt, choking down his gasp at the damage Shiro had inflicted. The bruising had ripened even further and there was barely an inch of white skin to be seen. 

Rei blushed as Nagisa began to strip off his pants, leaving him just in his underwear. His legs hadn’t sustained as many injuries as the rest of his thin body, but a few dark bruises still clearly contrasted against his milky skin. “Do you want me to leave?” Rei asked nervously, secretly hoping the answer was no. He didn’t have any perverted intentions, he just wanted to help Nagisa as much as he could. 

“I may need a little help getting in,” Nagisa admitted shamefully. Rei gulped and tried to conceal his own nervousness. He decided to run a bath instead, figuring it would be easier for Nagisa instead of standing up. 

Steam filled the bathroom and Rei averted his eyes and focused on running the hot bath as Nagisa shed his boxers. He turned the handles of the faucet to a stop and tested the water, a little on the warm side but if Nagisa had a problem he guessed he would tell him. Rei, much to his own embarrassment, helped Nagisa’s extremely naked body into the water. Nagisa slipped into the water with a soft sigh and let the warmth embrace him and massage his sore muscles. Rei grabbed a wash cloth and soaped it up and began to scrub Nagisa’s chest gently, ignoring his quiet moans that seemed to shoot straight down to Rei’s member and made his stomach tingle.

He moved the wash cloth across his shoulders and arms, keeping his bandaged wrist elevated above the water so it didn’t get wet. Nagisa leaned forward and Rei remained silent as he cleaned his back, unnerved by how prominent the smaller boys spine was.

He continued to wash down to Nagisa’s naval, where he abruptly stopped and looked at Nagisa waiting to be told what to do now that he was approaching a dangerous region.

“Do you mind just washing my legs and I can take care of the rest?” Nagisa asked and opened his eyes half way, which had been closed the whole time. Rei couldn’t find his voice and just nodded, his face a dark shade of crimson. He ran the cloth up his calves and stopped mid thigh, repeating the action until he was satisfied that all the sweat and crime had been cleaned off. “Thanks,” Nagisa whispered as Rei handed him the wash cloth, turning around so Nagisa could finish the rest.

A loud, obnoxious knocking sounded from the front door and Rei excused himself to go answer.

Nagisa sighed as he laid comfortably in the water which was starting to cool down. He felt so overwhelmed by everything that had happened to him in the last month. Shiro had manipulated and used him, that he knew but a smaller part of his couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault. He still loved Shiro and an even smaller, smaller part of him hoped that Shiro could change and they could get back together. Another thought crossed his mind that confused him even further, this time he had spent with Rei had been the happiest moments he had experienced in a long time. Rei made him feel safe and cared for, he was a great friend and he felt lucky to have him there for him. A tiny, light feeling tugged at his chest when he thought of Rei as just a friend. Did he have feelings for Rei beyond friendship?

Nagisa felt ashamed to admit it to himself, but Rei’s touch disturbed the butterflies in his stomach and he felt slightly turned on at Rei bathing him. It was similar to when he first realized he harbored romantic feelings for Shiro, whenever Rei’s gorgeous well sculptured face and body floated through his mind he sighed like a love struck school girl and his thoughts started to get a little more dirty. Maybe when this was all done and dusted and he had recovered, if he still had these feelings he could talk to Rei about it. He trusted his friend enough to know he wouldn’t abandon him because of a little crush. 

Shouting and a bang shook Nagisa from his thoughts and he shot up straight from the water, listening closely to see what was going on.

“Let me see Nagisa you bastard!”

~~

Shiro was beyond furious, he was ready to tear that purple-haired douche bag apart limb by limb just using his teeth. Blood lust gleamed in his eyes as he watched Rei in the store, more specifically the freezer section where he picked out the largest tub of strawberry ice cream and added it to his cart. Shiro growled animalistically under his breath, he was fucking dead. 

Shiro followed Rei back to what he assumed was his apartment, a dark hoodie cloaked his body as he stood under the cover of the trees in the small park across from his home. He waited an hour or so until the sun shone it’s last rays and the town basked in the orange and pink sunset. He cautiously walked up the stairs, keeping a look out to make sure no one was watching. His fingers played with the smooth switch blade hidden in his pocket. 

He knocked loudly on the door his target had entered not long ago. He clenched his teeth together and impatiently tapped his foot, he was growing restless and his eyes darted all over the place to double check no one was watching and that there weren’t any security cameras nearby. The door was swung open and he was met face to face with Rei. His violet eyes rounded with shock from behind his red rimmed glasses and he instinctively took a step back out of Shiro’s reach. Shiro flashed a sickly sweet smile and he held the door open with a clenched fist, ensuring that Rei couldn’t slam it shut and lock it before they could have a ‘little chat’.

“Hey there, so you’re the fucker that is keeping my boyfriend from me?” Shiro sneered and chuckled, his eyes were mad and looked ready to kill.

“Last time I checked, Nagisa ended your relationship,” Rei said and tried not to let his voice waver or seem weak. He couldn’t let Shiro take the upper hand, he had to remain strong to keep Nagisa safe from this lunatic. 

“Shut up! I bet you told him to say those things, didn’t you?” Shiro shouted and his false smile fell into a frown.

“No. He did that of his own will.”

“Let me see Nagisa you bastard!” Shiro shouted and angrily slammed his fist into the door. Rei jolted and took a large step back, completely at a lost for words. 

“Shiro?” A small voice squeaked and Rei’s fear increased, Nagisa was behind him still dripping wet only in his underwear. Shiro roared in anger and pushed himself into the apartment.

“You’re cheating on me aren’t you?” He screamed, his eyes burning holes into Nagisa’s skin. 

“You’ve go the wrong idea-” 

Nagisa saw the knife coming before Rei and screamed for him to move. The knife was barely inches away from slicing Rei’s throat but Nagisa pushed him out of the way. The silver blade bit into the flesh of his check and his head swung to the side at the impact. Small droplets of blood flew through the air, landing on the wall and across Shiro’s face making him look even more like a serial killer.

Rei lay on the floor in a state of shock as the scene unfolded before his eyes in a flash. Shiro’s anger subsided as the reality of what he had done reached his mind and he stepped forward, gently grabbing Nagisa’s face, not taking notice of his flinch. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean it, I love you,” Shiro smiled and smeared the cut with the pad of his thumb. Nagisa pushed him away, making his discomfort clear.

“No Shiro, it’s over and I meant what I said. I have given you heaps of chances and you continue to push me around and use me like your personal punching bag. If you don’t leave right this instant, I will call the police,” Nagisa said firmly and Rei felt a pang of pride at his strength.

Shiro’s rage returned and he held up his fist but Rei was quick to his feet and kneed him in the stomach. Shiro grunted and bent over, cringing from the pain. 

“You love him, don’t you?” Shiro asked quietly and looked at Rei with tearful eyes.

“So what if I do? Get out,” Nagisa pointed at the door and Shiro cast him one last regretful gaze and whispered an apology before leaving, slamming the door closed. 

“Nagisa!” Rei shouted and rushed over to the blonde, inspecting the cut with worry. It was shallow and didn’t require any stitches but Rei decided to better be safe and still disinfect it and bandage it up.

“I’m okay,” Nagisa said and hugged Rei, sniffling into his chest. 

“I’m proud of you,” Rei smiled and kissed the top of his head. “I doubt he will bother us again for a while, and if he does we will go straight to the police. To be honest I didn’t like the guy to begin with.”

“Why’s that,” Nagisa peeked up with curiosity filled eyes.

“I was jealous,” Rei admitted and blood rushed to his cheeks.

“J-jealous?”

“We will talk about that another time, I need to address that cut.”

~~

Nagisa was recovering as quickly as anyone could have hoped. It had taken a lot of persuading to get him to start eating normally, without throwing it up, but he slowly got back to adding strawberry protein powder to the majority of his meals and wolfing down his much beloved ice cream by the tub. His smile returned and he was bouncing around again cracking his silly jokes and yapping everyone’s ears off. He had his relapses where he would cry and occasionally had panic attacks or wouldn’t eat, or in the worst case would try and contact Shiro but the swim team always pulled him back to reality. Once Nagisa healed and began to get his strength back, he re-joined the swim team and Rei helped him get his grades back up. Shiro had sent him exactly 603 messages and 163 missed calls within that month of recovery, but he eventually gave up as well and Nagisa built up the courage to block his number.

Everyone was proud of Nagisa and his progress.

~~

“Hey Rei?” Nagisa and Rei were shamelessly cuddling in Rei’s bedroom having just finished one of their study sessions. “Remember after Shiro came to your house and attacked us,” they both shivered at the memory, “You said you were jealous of him. Can I know why now?”

“Don’t judge me, but I had a crush on you,” Rei swallowed the lump in his throat, it was time he confessed. 

“R-really?! Do you.. Still.. Um,” Nagisa blushed and hope blossomed in his chest. Rei nodded wordlessly and Nagisa beamed and titled his head up to kiss Rei softly on the lips. “I think I like you, a lot.”

“Nagisa, I-”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Nagisa said shyly his blush brightened. Rei chuckled and shook his head, leaning down for a deeper kiss.

“You’re my definition of beauty Nagisa and I want nothing more in this world than to be with you.”

~~

Nagisa was happily chatting away about some action manga he just started reading as he clung to his boyfriends arm. Rei rolled his eyes, even though he loved Nagisa with all his heart he sure could get annoying sometimes.

Practice had just ended and they were walking home to Rei’s apartment because Nagisa had invited himself over for the night. Once again, Rei’s mother was away on a business trip and she had taken a liking to to bubbly blonde and was happy that he was keeping Rei company when she wasn’t home.

Nagisa squealed and pounced onto Rei’s bed, pegging a pillow at Rei’s face and knocking off his glasses. Rei’s jaw hardened and he willed himself not to get angry. After all the crap Nagisa had endured with his ex, Rei was relieved Nagisa was able to bounce back and make a full recovery.

“Sorry Rei-chan!” Nagisa giggled and popped his glasses back onto the taller ones face with a beaming smile. Nagisa kissed Rei apologetically on the cheek and Rei instantly forgave the smaller boys antics. Rei pulled Nagisa closer and pecked him on the lips, Nagisa obviously in the mood for more locked their lips together and they melded into one, their lips moving in perfect sync. Nagisa playfully bit his lip and Rei opened his mouth, giving permission for Nagisa’s mischievous tongue to explore the inside of his mouth. Rei moved his hands down to the small of Nagisa’s back, making him let out a soft sigh. Nagisa wrapped his arms tighter around his neck and tugged at the purple hair covering the nape of Rei’s neck.

Rei felt his cock start to swell and he broke the kiss blushing shyly. Nagisa smiled, understanding what the problem was and snaked a hand down the toy at Rei’s naval. Rei breathed sharply and his lips parted in a silent gasp at the burning feeling of Nagisa’s soft fingers stroking his skin. Nagisa brushed against Rei’s boner and the butterfly swimmer pulled away.

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa pouted and stared up at his boyfriend with wide eyes.

“Do you want to..” Rei gulped and Nagisa nodded.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. It’s different with you than Shiro, I trust you. So if you want to, I’m perfectly okay with it,” Nagisa said honestly. Rei breathed a yes and pulled his boyfriend back against his body, greedily kissing his mouth. Nagisa moaned and tugged off Rei’s shirt, revealing his tone chest and abs. “You’re so beautiful,” Nagisa sighed and stroked his chest dreamily.

“As are you,” Rei began to feel a little more confident and held Nagisa’s narrow waist and pushed him back onto the bed, kissing down his neck and collar bones. Nagisa gasped and dug his nails into Rei’s back.

They helped each other strip their clothes, both of their cocks standing to complete attention and seeping pre-cum.

Nagisa wrapped his legs around Rei’s waist and they continued to kiss, moaning every time their sensitive cocks rubbed against eachother. 

“How far do you want to go?” Rei asked anxiously.

“All the way,” Nagisa said and Rei smiled. He opened his draw, Nagisa laughed when he pulled out a bottle of lube. It had only been used once when he used it to jerk himself off recently.

“I never expected Rei-chan to have such dirty things in his draws,” Nagisa teased and Rei blushed, only a little ashamed.

“It’s better to be prepared. Did you and Shiro ever do this?” Rei asked hesitantly, but he needed to know.

“We never had sex,” Nagisa confirmed, luckily not put off by the question. Rei felt both happy and nervous that it would be both of their first time.

Rei pushed down his nerves and spread Nagisa’s legs to get a clear view of his entrance. He soaked two of his fingers in lube and inserted one of the cool digits inside of Nagisa’s tight walls. Nagisa gasped and moaned, pushing further down onto Rei’s finger. Rei had made sure to do extensive research a couple of weeks back, so he would be completely prepared if this were to ever happen.

He moved his finger in and out and curled it as Nagisa slowly relaxed. He entered a second finger and repeated the same process until he was loose enough to add a third without it hurting his boyfriend.

“Rei, please, I’m ready,” Nagisa groaned impatiently. Rei spent a short amount of time moving his fingers in a scissoring motion, positive that it was loose enough for Nagisa to take his cock with minimal discomfort. Rei took a shaky breath and coated his length with the cold, slick lube and aimed the head of his cock at Nagisa’s opening. Nagisa moaned loudly as he pushed half way in. Rei gasped, Nagisa was tight and warm and his muscles squeezed his dick in a pleasurable manner. He slowly thrust in and out until Nagisa was able to accommodate all of his pulsating cock. He quickened his pace and Rei’s name tumbled constantly from Nagisa’s mouth a long with a string of swear words that Rei chose to ignore.

“Ahh Rei, right there!” Nagisa yelled as Rei hit his prostate. He managed to rub against the bundle of nerves with every following thrust. Rei wrapped his fingers around Nagisa’s neglected dick. Nagisa came with a cry, shooting his semen on both of their chests. Rei pounded into Nagisa a total of five more times before he pulled out, cumming on Nagisa and the bed sheets.

Nagisa smiled through his after orgasm high and Rei smiled stupidly back, spooning his boyfriend despite the covers soaked with sweat and cum.

“I love you Rei-chan,” Nagisa sighed.

“I love you too Nagisa.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know, cliche ending c': I hope it wasn't too bad. Feedback, both negative and positive, is greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading c:


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